it's about 24 hours since I last talked to irina. I desperately miss her. and love her. she left me an e-mail since I didn't turn up online. I'll email her back as soon as I'm in the right place.
or I'll go to the internet cafe close to here. mom, she feels like she can just seek affirmation at any point from me. I can't be the one to do that obviously, she has to do it for herself.
but she'll never understand.
I had a dream last night. I was out with Ira and some friends. when we got to a house and were finally in private i tried to kiss her, but she didn't want to.
I feel as if I can't get to her. there is something in the way.
i know she wanted to talk to me last night but despite at one point waking up at a quarter to 6 AM (12AM her time) I still couldn't do it. I can't face up to it.
I feel broken. she loves me. she makes me feel wonderful, but alone i am desperately alone.
cymbal rush is so beautiful.
we went all the way down to the port vell, at the end of las ramblas and via laietana. the post office (correos) was closed today. we'll have to go at another point, maybe with postcards and emily's magazine.
that'd be a good idea.
there is a twinge of annoyance associated with the fact I'm not with the love of my life (lolzerz) but on the whole, I feel terribly lucky that we both love each other so much. it's a good feeling.
my headache isn't.
ugh. i'm tired. and sometimes i just want not to hear anything. at. all.
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