14 september 2006

music: time is running out - muse
I'm supposed to be writing an essay. instead I doodle -- no, color -- the back of this diary thingy.
to be honest, I'm not feeling particularly moticated, which is not usually a good thing for someone who has to get other people to be motivated. Maybe it has something to do with what is happening right now, that despite being in a situation where I need to start being motivated, I still can't grasp something that is happening on the other side of September 30th (you know what I mean). But the reality is I need to make money to survive, and I also need to know the language to survive. and I'm probably more likely to survive knowing english. but in spain, it's actually somewhat hard without my mom, I have no clue what I'd be doing, if i'd just have had to go to another country just to be understood, etc...
so these lazy bums i suppose really do need to have a motivator: me.
there's a song in here, an unearthed gem unrealized until now. i'll recount it here.

if i could stop i would stop before
i'd hurt myself even more
is it even possible to leave
to try and retreat?

if i could go back on this like you ask
do you really think I could

does it really work like that
there's nothing of that in me
would you go back on it
i thought you were always free

don't make me change my ways
i don't work like that

why should i change for you
you never would
why should i die for you
you never would

Obviously I decided to change it a bit. It might go back like so many Radiohead songs, but I can't possibly know at this point.
Writing comes easy. I have 21 euros and 35 cents in my pocket. I'm wearing my Jonny hoodie. I want to wash my shirts, since officially everything smells like mold. Ugh.
Um people are idiots.

Get...in the zone

A marketing gimmick
The corporate go-getter
In the latest Nike fashion
For the court
And a Dell PC for work
Nothing inspires like
a Starbucks Chai latte.

it's late, at least sleepy suburban town late. I heard people up at 5 in the morning so I suppose that isn't saying much.
As soon as we leave Starbucks (which is the only place I write in while mum is on the computer) we'll find somewhere some place that still has tapas.
I love cities that are always awake. Honestly, the sleepiest part of the day is in the morning!
Yeah, and I could be meeting some scene indie kids but my clothes are all dirty. Doh.
I stare at girls. Fuck. I feel utterly repressed sexually which is the worst feeling. Not to mention they are quite sexy here.
I need to join all the scene kids at the clubs and meet people. It really sucks being a loner in such a big city.
How do I meet people? It ain't going to happen! Fuck. And if I did I wouldn't know the first thing to say.