2 october 2006

It was sunny and hot and we were forced out of the apartment so that they could show it to people. Went to a vegetarian place called BiOasis which was good. Then we went to La Viaetana because we got lost. Trying to find a bookstore. Then Corte Ingles for stuff. Now we've gone to some place for pastas and stuff are are at Cafe Escac on Carrer d'Elisabets in El Raval. And I hope we're going to Food Ball, a very vegan place that looks cool. I got some yesterday and it was a good way to survive. Fun. Oh and Irina, she still loves me. Wub.
I just had this idea for a music video in which my band is playing on the side of a freeway and fans start turning out, some getting hit by the drivers that don't give right of way to the fans. More and more fans come though and by the end of the song, a car truck is about to hit them and instead of crushing them it flies high into the air and crashes down on the street behind the other side of the freeway.
10:00 So Debrah's not coming to Barcelona. At some I guess I was set on her coming but now I could care less. There are very few things I would get disappointed about.
Obviously I'm set more on seeing Ira at some point in my life. She actually does care for me, moreso than some casual friends from the OC. I mean, honestly, how many times do you run into that?
Obviously I'm very much in love with her. I was somewhat interested in Debrah, but I didn't really believe anything was possible when obviously people in the OC would rather just have lots of fun to make up for how boring the place is. I knew that I was a better person at the end of August but I don't think it related as much to Debrah. But Ira makes me proud to be the way I am.
God I love her. It's completely overwhelming yet I'm at peace now that I'm writing. I could sleep a little although I don't trust that my mom will wake me up.
I've decided to utterly detach from the old world, that is, the OC. Everything in my life has been preparing for the detachment. I belong nowhere. I'm a free spirit.
Watch me!
I have a few pages left, less than a month I sense. The other diary will be that. A writer's journal. I've already started filling it in with worthless fragments that might be something as some whole. I still don't know where I'm coming from. I don't have a story, just some disjointed events. And I wonder why I'm still awake, wasting the pages. Is most of this filler? A love note to my future self? Tell myself who I was when I came to Spain... What'll this become? Is it the start of something even greater? Will it become the world?Am I ever meant to settle? What's next for me?
Could I possibly go back? Do I want to? So many things unresolved, yet so many bad omens... People I once cared for and never will again? Countless people who've disappointed me... Think they know me better than I know myself? I do have a dream... but will I realize it? Am I the sort of person who is resolved to sit at a desk doing data entry for the rest of my life? Would I kill myself or leave if it came to that? I don't want that...I'd rather run away with my guitar and meet fellow musicians in some strange underworld...who cares if I work in kitchens to live in a room, as long as I can live my dream, find the people that'll strive to be the band I've always dreamed of? I won't sacrifice my dream for anything.
Except love.